Google is stronger than God! Will Google acquire God?
Here is the proof that the Google is better/stronger/more powerful than God and comments on Google acquiring God.
God Vs. Google:
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| God is omnipresent.* | 1 | Google is omnipresent. | 1 |
| God is omniscient.* | 1 | Google is omniscient. | 1 |
| God is omnipotent.* | 1 | Google is omnipotent. | 1 |
| God embodies simplicity, timelessness, immutability, and impassibility.* |
.25 | Google embodies simplicity, timelessness, immutability, and impassibility. |
.5 |
| God is infinite. | 1 | Google is infinite. | .5 |
| God is generally considered benevolent. | 1 | Google is generally considered benevolent. | 1 |
| God lets you (sometimes commands you) to kill other people in its name. |
-10 | You can find websites to hack using Google and deface them, but no violence is tolerated. |
1 |
| God guides you when you don’t know what to do. |
1 | Google guides you when you don’t know what to do. |
1 |
| An intermediary, like a church, a temple, a priest, a guru is helpful in reaching God. |
0 | An intermediary, like AT&T, Verizon, Comcast, are helpful in reaching Google. |
0 |
| God made everything in 6 days and then rested. |
0 | Google has been working non-stop for many years. |
0.5 |
| God creates a lot of new products in beta and keeps them in beta for a long time. |
0 | Google creates a lot of products in beta and keeps them in beta for a long time. |
0 |
| God uses Digg like voting to decide what new functionality to add to the products (some people call this process evolution, but it has clearly been copied from the Digg concept. Each offspring equals one vote.) |
1 | Google uses some internal secret methods to release new products and decide what functionality/features to add and when. |
0 |
| God has an affiliate program where you get paid if bring more people to join (but the payment is in some dubious, after life currency.) |
0.5 | You get paid in real money if you bring more people to Google. |
0.5 |
| God is random at times. | 0.5 | Google is random at times. | 0.5 |
| If you ever cross him/her, God is the prosecutor, the judge, the jury and the executioner. |
-1 | If you ever cross her, Google is the prosecutor, the judge, the jury and the executioner. |
-1 |
| If you send a prayer message to God, he doesn’t always listen to it. Most of the times your prayers are ignored. |
-1 | If you send a message to Google, Google doesn’t always listen or read your messages. Most of the time the requests are ignored. |
-1 |
| It is hard to find God. He doesn’t even own God.com or God.net or God.org.+ |
0 | Easy to find Google. Try Google in any country. Also Google.org offers even more love to its subjects by doing philanthropic work. |
0.5 |
| If you pray to God, he never affirmatively acknowledges your prayers. |
0 | Google always sends an (automated) acknowledgment of your prayers/requests. Even though the outcome is the same as praying to God. |
0.25 |
| God is pro-clothing. Request for information about humans in their natural state is frowned upon. |
-0.5 | Google is clothing-neutral. Google will provide all the information you need about human activities regardless of how much clothing is required. |
0.5 |
| God can not help you with your computer problems. |
0 | Google will help you solve your computer problems |
0.5 |
| God will not tell you which way to turn when you are lost on the road. |
0 | Google will always steer you right. | 1 |
| God will not relay a message from you to another person. |
0 | Google will reliably deliver a message from you to another person. |
1 |
| God will not tell you what your friends and enemies are doing. |
0 | Google will tell you a lot about your friends and your enemies. |
.5 |
| Even though God knows, he will never tell you who is thinking of you and who is visiting your house. |
0 | Google will try to tell you who is thinking of you and who is visiting your website. |
.5 |
| God will not find any phone numbers for you. | 0 | Google tries to find the phone numbers for you (800-Goog-411) |
.25 |
| Life without God is hell. | 1 | Life without Google is hell. | 1 |
(The reason I refer to God as in Beta mode, is because the specs for God have not been fully developed yet and they may change at any time. The red color of the text indicates that either God or Google is deficient in that category and the points refer to how close they are in catching up to the goal.)
* From Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
+God.com and God.net are fan sites and God.org is owned by a cybersquatter.
Since Google is ahead in so many categories, I don’t even need to count the points. Google is stronger than God!
Some columnists have (wrongly) suggested that Google is God. There is no God at Google. (http://god.google.com leads to a server not found error.)
There are rumors that Google is in talks with high ranking officials at Vatican, Jerusalem and Mecca to possibly acquire God. In recent job posting, Google looked for candidates with extensive religious background, which could be a hint.
Since “God” has G as the first letter in its name, some have argued that Google might have already acquired God, and it is already a done deal. Analysts disagree whether Google will release an improved God (God 2.0) or an open source God (renamed as gOD).
You can also visit The Church of Google, where they believe that Google IS God and suggest taking a pledge Do You Accept Google As Your Default Search Engine?. I disagree with their conclusion and refuse to take that pledge.
Please visit next week (or subscribe to the RSS feed) for an article on Why I am scared of Google, and what am I doing about it.
Do you have additional reasons to prove/disprove the hypotheses? Does God talk to you sometime? Do you have any inside information? Pl. leave a comment.
Happy Thanksgiving, May God Google be with you!
Tags : church of google, google, Googlism, web humor.
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